Two Essays, One Allnighter

12:03am and my tummy is feeling that funny feeling when you're downing mass amounts of caffeine from Red Bull and V cans in a bid to pursue an allnighter.

I may have severely overestimated my ability to start and finish two essays by, well, 4PM today. Not even, given 4PM is the physical submission meaning I have to trek into uni just to submit one thing.

I kid you not, I will surely, surely crash and burn upon my return home. 

Dear future self: please don't do this again

Good luck to me! #selfpity

xx

Finals Madness

Finals season is upon us and as I type, my brain drifts slowly to sleep from exhaustion. The little effects of a 375mL can of 可口可乐 are wearing off (I know, there wasn't very much caffeine in there to begin with, but with context caffeinated beverages hit me really well so one can of Coke and one can of V will power me through an allnighter usually), and I've resorted to 1AM star jumps and squats à la Elementary style (fun fact, it was precisely that gifset that prompted me to start watching Elementary).

Anyway, boys and girls I'm going to pass out soon.

Just let me go to China already.

xx

Authentic Jealousy

Ok so I've actually bid my goodnights to everyone that I was chatting to online but bear with me for this quickie post because I've finally discovered a link to Fashion Bloggers TV which is gold.

Needless to say I am 10 minutes in and shrivelling up with jealousy.

Shrivelling would be to put it mildly.

I am going to comment briefly on this though (when do I ever not have a comment on anything?). I give credit to those who pursue fashion blogs and the like, but these people, these successful bloggers, innovatively piggy-backed onto something that wasn't even a thing 4 or so years ago. They're smart and calculating in their choices to produce genuine content. I keep rambling on about authenticity these days, but it's true, we're surrounded by a plethora of wannabes and the same old same old style. These ones? They have a uniqueness about them. Their 'sense' of 'style' is truly their own. 

I dunno, I might be crumbling in jealousy but the credit and pay off is well worth the amount of effort that must have been divested into these projects.

Here's the first episode if y'all want to join me in my reflection of the inadequacy of my life (a fairly premature and melodramatic statement, I know)

xx

Apathetic Inclinations and Midi Skirts

There are far too many things to do in this last week before finals barrage down on me, but whilst I should be severely editing a piece of Chinese dialogue (to be presented tomorrow, I might add), I find myself in a bit of a funk where all efforts seem almost 'futile' in my eyes.

Futile is, however, a fairly strong word and doesn't truly convey my thought process. I may just have gotten myself into a situation where after missing too many Psychology lectures (sorry, it's just not my calling I should have changed majors probably three months ago), I'm now stumped with just how little I understand. (Unsurprising, I know)

Anyway, if anyone has barely seen me in the past week they know that all I've been rambling on about is my newfound love for midi skirts. There is something intrinsically classy and girly about a midi skirt where I unbelievably feel like a dolled up princess when wearing one (especially when the sole midi skirt in your wardrobe is a pleather gem that feels absurdly like the real deal - I would know, we have the exact same one in real leather at Saba).

Before I say what I'm about to say, here's a disclaimer: 'fashion' and 'style' should be for yourself. By no means whatsoever should you care, or consider too deeply, what other people think about your sense of style. Stop thinking too much about if you look good in something, if you love something you'll look good in it (more or less).

With that out of the way, I'm going to address one thing in as briefest terms as possible (because I really need to get back to doing that Chinese dialogue): university fashion. I am by far what I would consider a 'stylish' person. I wear a whole heap of basics and for the majority of semester 1, my 'uni look' (insert a brief ironic tone) usually consisted of boots, jeans and a top.

As of late, I am disappointed (?) at the lack of effort the majority of uni students put into their clothes. It's not to say we can't have cheat days of casual wear, but being put together and looking nice (at least for most people) is a nice thing to do for themsevles. When I have no eyeliner, no eyebrows filled in, wearing an old tshirt, skinnies and a pair of vans with my backpack; call me superficial, but all I can think about is how 'slob' I look.

I'm not advocating narcissistic tendencies, but when you put some effort into your wardrobe choice it's reflected in the day. You get comments from friends, compliments for an amazing midi skirt a new item etc. etc. It's a feel good thang.

So the next time I/someone turns up to uni wearing matching co-ordinates, a pair of heels (I kid you not, I would totally do this if my balls could withstand the pain - as it is walking along the cobbled paths of USyd in heels is a near-impossible feat), a doll-ed up face (my skin needs to breathe so eyeliner/eyebrow combo suffices my needs), or is just looking a good 10/10; don't hate, appreciate.

xx

Postponing of the Peak Hour Storm

There is nothing that comes to mind that tops the feeling you get when you're at home and the rain is pouring down hard outside.

Finally the storm has come and thank god. I can hear the dripping water off the edge of my roof hitting the floor of my balcony, the windy rain bashing against the palm tree leaves, the whistling of the wind. The faint growling of thunder and the beautiful streak of light that flashes across the sky. 

It's all very poetic and blasé, but it's very strangely comforting - what I'm feeling right now could even beat the bliss of staying in a car and feeling the rain tumble down.

In an otherwise unrelated note, I think the remarkable thing about this year is that it is very much a gap year for me. I might not be out travelling, and I'm still a full-time uni student and whatnot; but it was a gap year from people it would appear.

I should quickly clarify, by no means do I mind or dislike people, but the flexibility of attendance and anonymity of uni means that the year has represented a nice reprieve from social interaction or a nice opportunity for selective social interaction (how awfully introverted of me to say, but it appears I'm embracing this introverted side of me to its fullest in recent days). 

And I think I really did need this. How could you put it, I'm recharging for the next years to come.

High school doesn't give you this autonomy - not even close. 5 days a week of school, 9 am to 3:30 pm, there is no room for you to have a quiet moment by yourself, to just figure out what you want. Which is pretty contradictory, considering you're expected to formulate an ATAR goal by late Year 11 that'll determine your career path - but that's a rant for another time.

Anyway, I think a small part of me wanted to justify (ironically on a social media platform), my absence of desire for social interaction this year. Yes, it is a tad antisocial, no I haven't stayed at home and mulled about life all year round; but compared to others it's been a bit lacking. I just needed some solo recharging, but I'm just about ready to hit the 100% mark.

Wow I somehow manage to sound like the Energiser bunny.

xx

Less Existentialism, More Cramming

'Less existentialism, more cramming' generally befits my current situation. Time is a strange concept that twirls around fluidly with no tangible sense, given I very sincerely believed today was Wednesday - to the point that my manager called me today in a conversation as follows:

A: Helen can you work tomorrow?

B: Wait, didn't I ask for tomorrow off like a month ago?

A: For tomorrow? No you didn't.

B: Really are you sure? (Cue panic because I have plans Thursday night)

A: For Tuesday?

B: Wait today isn't Wednesday?

A: Maaaaaate

Anyway, finals are fast approaching and I've listed out deadlines for sub-tasks that need to be completed in anticipation for the assessment horrors that I will confront in my last week of uni for the year (one exam on one day, followed by two essays on the next day sound appealing to anyone?); but I suppose this is what I get to compromise for the fact that I only have two exams in the exam block.

It is, however, very bizarre thinking that a year ago from now I would've just begun the HSC. In all honesty it feels forever, forever ago; I already feel like I'm in Year II, but hey comme j'ai déjà dit, time is a strangely perceived thing these days subject to far too much inaccuracy. I heard BoS did a nasty change up of format in Paper 1 (condolences to all those who misread the question!) but I'm sure Paper 2 will come and go easily and you can move onto regurgitating  the rest of your pre-prepared content in the rest of the coming weeks. 

To those Twelvies sitting their HSC this month, good luck lovelies, it'll come and go before you know it (and more assignments await for yourselves in uni as well! yay!).

Some mellow tunes (and a hint of nostalgia, check out the Delta track and the -albeit new- Veronicas song!) for the bipolar week to come.

xx

Procrastinatory Tendencies

To be honest, the last three weeks of First Year have just started up again today and I'm not feelin' it. That's a lie, I'm a self-proclaimed nerd and genuinely enjoy learning, school and all that jazz; but my levels of procrastination or my threshold for 'effective work' is alarmingly high. 

I'm not that person who irritatingly proclaims "I only started the essay the night before" in a blasé fashion just to attract some strange flock of attention towards my supposed intelligence. I'm just someone who seems to work better under time crunches, where I think quickly on the spot and make decisions of self-assessment. I can't say it's the most effective plan, but in all honesty (and I might be jinxing myself here), I haven't encountered a major failure that has prevented me from reverting to these procrastinatory tendencies. Which, to be frank, is probably exactly what I need.

There's an odd sense of condescending irony in my amusement of graduating Year 12s condemning starting Year 12s for their stress for the incoming year. It's more than likely the same level of apathy and indignation that I feel towards HSC students, and probably the same affection I'll feel next year when I see First Years frantically stressing and making a big fuss out of marks and the be all end all.

All in all, I've tried to make this concerted effort of not over-dramaticising certain events. Marks are marks, there is no point to be melodramatic. Perhaps the only time I've been excessively melodramatic recently has resulted from an experience of personal insult that I found completely uncalled for and unprofessional - but that's a story for a different time.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at, but perhaps all I want to say to everyone who has the slight tendency to take events and blow them out of control is that, shit happens, calm down, life goes on. Stop exerting so much energy judging what other people think and do, and get on with your own life. I sincerely believe that if you know yourself, know your flaws, your strengths, your tendencies etc., you really shouldn't even be caring about what other people think of you. 

It's sorta just a waste of time really, and you know what they say, life is too short for that type of think.

xx

#letsdodessert

October Good Food Month calls for some much needed food blogging in amidst the existential ramblings of yours truly.

Following a walk to The Star where I met up with J, 'chelle, and A; we had a quick dinner where I finally managed to satisfy my chips craving with a hearty fish and chips at Flying Fish and Chips.

Classic fish and chips (15)

Although the chips were incredibly delicious, roughly cut and paralleling the crisp glory that are Manning Bar chips, I felt like the fish was at times a bit disappointing. Maybe had a generous shake of salt covered it I might have felt differently, but all in all it was a pretty good meal.

Next on we moved on to proceed to do two 'sugarhits'. For the past two nights, J had been galling me with her proclamations of 'sugarhits' to which I had no idea what was going on. Turns out 'Let's Do Dessert' (as it is called now) used to be called 'Sugarhits'; testament to the age of my lovely sister and her friends.

First was a leisurely walk to the Google building (of all places, I didn't think the Google building would be located in Pyrmont though!), where we found Signorelli Gatronomia, which may have just become my favourite restaurant. Quietly tucked away next to what seems at night like a creepy park, the restaurant is absolutely gorgeous. The service was absurdly, ridiculously impeccable, outdoor seating (it's not quite outdoors, more like indoors the Google building, but outdoors in terms of the restaurant if that makes sense) featured high bar tables as well as couches and lounges; tables were lit by faux candles and the echo of laughter and merriment continually softly filled the air by others cradling wine glasses and drinks.

We were treated to the vertical garden, this beast of a dessert which featured frozen nougat, rose blossom loukoum, lychee jelly, raspberry yolk and a pistachio wall.

There honestly isn't much I can say about this except that this is, by far the best dessert I have ever had. I'm sometimes this old lady who doesn't like new things or modern infusions because the taste is a bit too advanced for myself or it's just too bizarre. But wow, wow. the twill was soft and crisp, the combination of the fresh lychee and the pistachio and everything was just perfect. Far from being heavy on the palette, this is honestly just delicious. If you can't make it out to anything this October, make it out to just this restaurant, for this dessert. No amount of hype will kill the glowing reviews I'm giving it. And, for 20$ all up inclusive with the delicious dessert wine provided, it's an absolute bargain!

After an hour or so of talking about politics (it was far more interesting that what it sounds like I swear!), we ventured out to find the Grace Brasserie, where we found ourselves in an albeit bizarre location with uncertainties with what to expect.

But combatting the light delicacy that was the vertical garden, we were pleasantly surprised with the richness of the hazelnut praline chocolate mousse cake with green tea ice-cream, berries and pistachio floss that we were presented with.





All in all it was a lovely night filled with thought provoking conversation, delicious food and an overall need to start a strenuous routine of gym life (especially given that China is fast approaching).

xx

Old Soul

I've always thought that it was a tad pretentious when people identified themselves as an 'old soul in a young body' (especially coming from tweens and teens), but as of late (like many things), the idiom of sorts has struck a chord with me.

From this at-times turgid article to the light-heartedness of a Buzzfeed checklist, I find myself realising more and more that things that would ordinarily excite anyone else my age, I don't see the pleasure in doing. This is all some surface-level stuff though, no deep and meaningfuls here. It may be my introverted side dominating (on a side note I find it semi-amusing when people are surprised to discover that I identify myself as an introvert) more so than usual in this strange period of paradoxical change and stability, but who knows.

Case study: clubbing and intoxication. The idea of clubbing (despite only being experienced by yours truly a meagre two times) is a concept in itself that I'm fairly over. The thought of it doesn't scream 'fun' to me anymore, my image of an ideal night out would be spending the evening in a cozy wine bar with lounges I can sink into, red wine glass in hand, soft music playing in the background whilst I engage in either animated or deep conversation with an old friend. It's precisely thoughts like these that jar against my Facebook feed of friends out clubbing at foam parties, of the friends who I know are perpetually intoxicated on a weekend, of friends whose Snapchat stories are filled with doof doof music at the latest club they've gone into, or when friends recount their latest adventures into beer pong and house parties. The slight hypocrisy is that I can't even say I don't participate in these types of things - purely that I am far more likely to attend one that has my work mates going (all at least a decade older than myself), than one where there are an abundance of Year I kiddies like myself; if I feel inclined to go at all.

I'm not going to lie, it isn't as if there isn't not even a slight twinge of jealousy at these people 'living life to their fullest', but it's just that were I to mimic these behaviours, it wouldn't be genuine to myself. I tire of everything so easily and quickly, I love to try everything once, but I won't keep flogging a dead horse in vain attempts to be like everyone else my age.

I reiterate, I still think it's fairly precocious of me when I say things like this, but genuinely I look back and as a child, as a teenager; I've always been able to get along far better with people much older than me than people my age. Family friends always commented that I appeared to have matured earlier than the norm, work colleagues who I work with for the first time guess that I'm in my 20s already before being shocked with my real age, other colleagues are surprised of the things I say and the way I view life, suggesting that I'm too old for my age.

Anyway, on an unrelated note, I very rarely use this word (although I seem to be using it far too often these days), but this album is absurdly beautiful to listen to:



xx

Post-High School Friendships

In the numbness of spending time by yourself, you do sometimes get to this point where you begin to question your friendships, your relationships, the progression of the year. 

I remember I set out this year vowing to be no bullshits about myself, after six plus years of caring far too much of what other people thought of me; and to be honest it's been going really nicely. Uni is sometimes this magical place full of different kinds of people who (for want of a better word), you can really sift through to discover the people you mesh with. 

 I find it remarkable that one of my best mates now is someone I went to high school for six years with and with whom I virtually never talked to during the duration of those six years. It's strange that with those I was close to in high school, I've become even closer to in uni. At the same time it's strange to drift away from those I never imagined I would drift away from, but I think we're all beginning to move along with our lives for better or worse. With others, you begin to realise that if it weren't for the fact that you saw them five days a week, you probably wouldn't be friends.

I was (and am) awfully pessimistic about the duration of friendships, or the likelihood of maintaining high school friendships post-school, but at the same time there's a tinge of heartache for those I had these brilliant conversations with, where we could talk for literal hours on end, and seeing how the state of our friendships are in now. 

The best friendships, after all, aren't necessarily the ones where you have similar interests. The best ones are the ones where you argue ideologically, the ones where you both share or at least understand each other values, the ones where you call up to vent, the ones you spend hours on Skype with on mute just for their company whilst you slave away into the night studying, the ones who judge you but don't care. Those friendships aren't defined by time, you don't necessarily have to see them everyday or talk to them. But I suppose it takes time to find them.

There are far too many people I want to catch up with for a day, lounging in a wine bar, lying on the sand at the beach, sunbaking in a park; to relive the conversations from the past; but this is all nostalgia. Like I said, people change, and although that's by far a bad thing, sometimes the change means that friendships aren't quite what they used to be. And no one has the time in their lives to be insincere about their friendships, or have a friendship that is a one-sided effort. Takes two to tango after all?

xx

Question: International Global Studies

Where does one even begin with this question. A part of me is aware that you might only be asking about the brief run-down of the general pros and cons of my degree, but I'm lamely really passionate about what I'm studying, so you're in for a treat; and I'm going to provide a full blown mini essay on what my degree is like.

First up some clarifications about misconceptions you might have heard, or the general lack of information that people seem to be exposed to about my degree: yes my degree is essentially a glorified arts degree, but no it's not really. In your first year (and if you're going by the traditional pathway, as most of us/you generally will), you'll select 4 subjects. In a general straight Arts degree, these 4 subjects could be basically anything. In INGS, it's a bit more structured. One has to be the compulsory INGS subject, one has to be a subject that you're planning on majoring in (where the major comes from a set list of about 8 options I think), one has to be a language subject, and the last is a subject that will contribute to your second major (this can be literally anything offered in Arts). You also have to go on a mandatory minimum semester of exchange, and who doesn't love exchanges. I have heard from my unit coordinator however that from next year onwards, you'll need to maintain a Credit average to stay within INGS; which just goes to show the level of academic rigour required in it - far from that expected in other arts degrees.

Now onto the fun stuff.

Firstly, it's the only interdisciplinary subject that I'm aware of. So each semester's INGS subject will be taught by a different departments. Therefore, last semester was taught by the Department of Government and International Relations, this semester's subject is taught by the Department of Sociology and Social Policy; next semester is taught by the School of Languages and Cultures and the Department of Media and Communications and my last INGS subject be a practical-based 'case study' unit. The main thing is that you get a large range of perspectives and understanding of (usually) the same issue, so for now we're always asking questions about the effectiveness of global governance structures like the UN, or the impact of globalisation.

Secondly, everyone you meet is so passionate about their degree. Not going to lie, everyone studying INGS or Commerce Liberal Studies is more or less someone who is attempting to make a Law transfer. But the people studying this course are genuinely so intelligent, I remember the entire first semester I barely participated in tute discussions (despite the fact you get marked for tute debate participation), because I was so self-conscious that I was going to say something dumb, or say the wrong thing - and if you know me at all, you can understand just how insecure I felt that I was acting like that given I usually just say whatever and not care about the consequences. It's a bit of a pretentious thing to say, but intellectual debate and conversation can be so stimulating sometimes.

Thirdly, the course itself is so relevant. You begin to understand the news in a whole new way, you approach global collective issues (ie. issues that effect everyone) like climate change, and trade inequalities with a much more holistic and educated perspective. You finally understand the tensions between certain countries, and you begin to leave this idea of Western hegemony - ie. that everything the West and the dominance of global superpowers such as the US, and begin to develop a more holistic and nuanced perspective on international political, international relations, international agreements... In all honesty, I can't stress the relevance of this unit enough.

Finally, people are always trying to say that "oh you won't get a job with an Arts degree" and I have always, always, said "don't believe that". There is absolutely no point going to tertiary education and not being challenged, or more importantly, not enjoying what you love. I am absurdly lucky that I realised I really wanted to do this course just before the main round preferences were due, and even luckier that my beliefs about this course were reaffirmed.

Most of you know I'm chasing a law transfer, but even with the transfer, which extends my degree to 5 years, I might have a break from law in my fourth year and do an honours year for International Global Studies, because I love it so much. That might put my total years at uni to 6 but honestly, what does that matter? I might go into the workforce slightly older than some of the other fresh out of uni graduates, but does that matter? Along the same strain of thought, I might end of deferring some of the latter years of uni to just do some travelling (essentially take a gap year in the middle of my degree), but that's all speculation, I don't know if that's possible. Whatever happens, I know I definitely take a year off to just travel after I graduate uni and before I enter the workforce, because there aren't many things I've learnt in my nearly two decades of life, but one of them is life is too short to be chasing after things that can come later. 

Anyway, that went into a bit of an existential tone at the end, but hopefully this sufficiently answered your question!

xx

Holla

Holla guys, I'm temporarily able to spend some time browsing the web machine for some inspiration (hence the flourishing of opinion pieces and strange social commentaries here on the blog), which also means that I'm alive and kicking on most social media platforms as well (except Facebook, because to be frank, I only really use that for the Messenger function and seeing the odd absurd video every now and again tehe).

So it's hump day, and while I repeatedly die in a puddle of feels from this song ("One minute?", "One minute" #collapses), here are a couple of my other links on the interweb.

Pop by this tumblr for some beautiful things (or what I sometimes like to call a visual map of my thoughts):

This tumblr for some laughs (and hints into the too many shows that I follow):

This pinterest for all thing inspiration (mainly style and travel):

Instagram, because, well, instagram:

And let's not forget ask.fm; so holla at me guys re what you want me to write about, anything you want to ask me about uni/post high school shenanigans:

xx