Less Existentialism, More Cramming

'Less existentialism, more cramming' generally befits my current situation. Time is a strange concept that twirls around fluidly with no tangible sense, given I very sincerely believed today was Wednesday - to the point that my manager called me today in a conversation as follows:

A: Helen can you work tomorrow?

B: Wait, didn't I ask for tomorrow off like a month ago?

A: For tomorrow? No you didn't.

B: Really are you sure? (Cue panic because I have plans Thursday night)

A: For Tuesday?

B: Wait today isn't Wednesday?

A: Maaaaaate

Anyway, finals are fast approaching and I've listed out deadlines for sub-tasks that need to be completed in anticipation for the assessment horrors that I will confront in my last week of uni for the year (one exam on one day, followed by two essays on the next day sound appealing to anyone?); but I suppose this is what I get to compromise for the fact that I only have two exams in the exam block.

It is, however, very bizarre thinking that a year ago from now I would've just begun the HSC. In all honesty it feels forever, forever ago; I already feel like I'm in Year II, but hey comme j'ai déjà dit, time is a strangely perceived thing these days subject to far too much inaccuracy. I heard BoS did a nasty change up of format in Paper 1 (condolences to all those who misread the question!) but I'm sure Paper 2 will come and go easily and you can move onto regurgitating  the rest of your pre-prepared content in the rest of the coming weeks. 

To those Twelvies sitting their HSC this month, good luck lovelies, it'll come and go before you know it (and more assignments await for yourselves in uni as well! yay!).

Some mellow tunes (and a hint of nostalgia, check out the Delta track and the -albeit new- Veronicas song!) for the bipolar week to come.

xx

Old Soul

I've always thought that it was a tad pretentious when people identified themselves as an 'old soul in a young body' (especially coming from tweens and teens), but as of late (like many things), the idiom of sorts has struck a chord with me.

From this at-times turgid article to the light-heartedness of a Buzzfeed checklist, I find myself realising more and more that things that would ordinarily excite anyone else my age, I don't see the pleasure in doing. This is all some surface-level stuff though, no deep and meaningfuls here. It may be my introverted side dominating (on a side note I find it semi-amusing when people are surprised to discover that I identify myself as an introvert) more so than usual in this strange period of paradoxical change and stability, but who knows.

Case study: clubbing and intoxication. The idea of clubbing (despite only being experienced by yours truly a meagre two times) is a concept in itself that I'm fairly over. The thought of it doesn't scream 'fun' to me anymore, my image of an ideal night out would be spending the evening in a cozy wine bar with lounges I can sink into, red wine glass in hand, soft music playing in the background whilst I engage in either animated or deep conversation with an old friend. It's precisely thoughts like these that jar against my Facebook feed of friends out clubbing at foam parties, of the friends who I know are perpetually intoxicated on a weekend, of friends whose Snapchat stories are filled with doof doof music at the latest club they've gone into, or when friends recount their latest adventures into beer pong and house parties. The slight hypocrisy is that I can't even say I don't participate in these types of things - purely that I am far more likely to attend one that has my work mates going (all at least a decade older than myself), than one where there are an abundance of Year I kiddies like myself; if I feel inclined to go at all.

I'm not going to lie, it isn't as if there isn't not even a slight twinge of jealousy at these people 'living life to their fullest', but it's just that were I to mimic these behaviours, it wouldn't be genuine to myself. I tire of everything so easily and quickly, I love to try everything once, but I won't keep flogging a dead horse in vain attempts to be like everyone else my age.

I reiterate, I still think it's fairly precocious of me when I say things like this, but genuinely I look back and as a child, as a teenager; I've always been able to get along far better with people much older than me than people my age. Family friends always commented that I appeared to have matured earlier than the norm, work colleagues who I work with for the first time guess that I'm in my 20s already before being shocked with my real age, other colleagues are surprised of the things I say and the way I view life, suggesting that I'm too old for my age.

Anyway, on an unrelated note, I very rarely use this word (although I seem to be using it far too often these days), but this album is absurdly beautiful to listen to:



xx

Chill Vibes

With the beginning of this brief mid-sem reprieve from uni, I'm back slogging in retail, scrambling to fund exchange adventures and shenanigans. But at the same time, the robotic movements of unpacking stock, and repeating of the phrase "hey, how are you today" oddly provide a nice change of scenery from the typical treks into uni, of continually assessing, thinking, stressing, or (as was the case recently) going to all costs to try and avoid eye contact with the campaigners who infiltrated every main entrance and exit of USyd.

So amongst the frantic applications of makeup prior to running out to the train station to make it into work on time, I've managed to fit in good, solid hours of Scandal binge-watching (#Olitz forever, I've never felt this absurdly obsessed about anything; it's quite unsettling to be honest), breaks spent in the backroom at work reading over articles about the narcissistic tendencies of current young generations, a near-obsessive tendency to continually re-apply holographic nail polish because I spend too much time admiring the rainbow colours in lieu of remembering the sizes a customer has asked for; and times chilling out to music.

So my daily glazed over train rides into the city have been dominated by these tracks (with a couple of good ol' Chinese ones thrown in because, you know, cultural awakenings and all that)

xx