Two Essays, One Allnighter

12:03am and my tummy is feeling that funny feeling when you're downing mass amounts of caffeine from Red Bull and V cans in a bid to pursue an allnighter.

I may have severely overestimated my ability to start and finish two essays by, well, 4PM today. Not even, given 4PM is the physical submission meaning I have to trek into uni just to submit one thing.

I kid you not, I will surely, surely crash and burn upon my return home. 

Dear future self: please don't do this again

Good luck to me! #selfpity

xx

Finals Madness

Finals season is upon us and as I type, my brain drifts slowly to sleep from exhaustion. The little effects of a 375mL can of 可口可乐 are wearing off (I know, there wasn't very much caffeine in there to begin with, but with context caffeinated beverages hit me really well so one can of Coke and one can of V will power me through an allnighter usually), and I've resorted to 1AM star jumps and squats à la Elementary style (fun fact, it was precisely that gifset that prompted me to start watching Elementary).

Anyway, boys and girls I'm going to pass out soon.

Just let me go to China already.

xx

Authentic Jealousy

Ok so I've actually bid my goodnights to everyone that I was chatting to online but bear with me for this quickie post because I've finally discovered a link to Fashion Bloggers TV which is gold.

Needless to say I am 10 minutes in and shrivelling up with jealousy.

Shrivelling would be to put it mildly.

I am going to comment briefly on this though (when do I ever not have a comment on anything?). I give credit to those who pursue fashion blogs and the like, but these people, these successful bloggers, innovatively piggy-backed onto something that wasn't even a thing 4 or so years ago. They're smart and calculating in their choices to produce genuine content. I keep rambling on about authenticity these days, but it's true, we're surrounded by a plethora of wannabes and the same old same old style. These ones? They have a uniqueness about them. Their 'sense' of 'style' is truly their own. 

I dunno, I might be crumbling in jealousy but the credit and pay off is well worth the amount of effort that must have been divested into these projects.

Here's the first episode if y'all want to join me in my reflection of the inadequacy of my life (a fairly premature and melodramatic statement, I know)

xx

Apathetic Inclinations and Midi Skirts

There are far too many things to do in this last week before finals barrage down on me, but whilst I should be severely editing a piece of Chinese dialogue (to be presented tomorrow, I might add), I find myself in a bit of a funk where all efforts seem almost 'futile' in my eyes.

Futile is, however, a fairly strong word and doesn't truly convey my thought process. I may just have gotten myself into a situation where after missing too many Psychology lectures (sorry, it's just not my calling I should have changed majors probably three months ago), I'm now stumped with just how little I understand. (Unsurprising, I know)

Anyway, if anyone has barely seen me in the past week they know that all I've been rambling on about is my newfound love for midi skirts. There is something intrinsically classy and girly about a midi skirt where I unbelievably feel like a dolled up princess when wearing one (especially when the sole midi skirt in your wardrobe is a pleather gem that feels absurdly like the real deal - I would know, we have the exact same one in real leather at Saba).

Before I say what I'm about to say, here's a disclaimer: 'fashion' and 'style' should be for yourself. By no means whatsoever should you care, or consider too deeply, what other people think about your sense of style. Stop thinking too much about if you look good in something, if you love something you'll look good in it (more or less).

With that out of the way, I'm going to address one thing in as briefest terms as possible (because I really need to get back to doing that Chinese dialogue): university fashion. I am by far what I would consider a 'stylish' person. I wear a whole heap of basics and for the majority of semester 1, my 'uni look' (insert a brief ironic tone) usually consisted of boots, jeans and a top.

As of late, I am disappointed (?) at the lack of effort the majority of uni students put into their clothes. It's not to say we can't have cheat days of casual wear, but being put together and looking nice (at least for most people) is a nice thing to do for themsevles. When I have no eyeliner, no eyebrows filled in, wearing an old tshirt, skinnies and a pair of vans with my backpack; call me superficial, but all I can think about is how 'slob' I look.

I'm not advocating narcissistic tendencies, but when you put some effort into your wardrobe choice it's reflected in the day. You get comments from friends, compliments for an amazing midi skirt a new item etc. etc. It's a feel good thang.

So the next time I/someone turns up to uni wearing matching co-ordinates, a pair of heels (I kid you not, I would totally do this if my balls could withstand the pain - as it is walking along the cobbled paths of USyd in heels is a near-impossible feat), a doll-ed up face (my skin needs to breathe so eyeliner/eyebrow combo suffices my needs), or is just looking a good 10/10; don't hate, appreciate.

xx

Postponing of the Peak Hour Storm

There is nothing that comes to mind that tops the feeling you get when you're at home and the rain is pouring down hard outside.

Finally the storm has come and thank god. I can hear the dripping water off the edge of my roof hitting the floor of my balcony, the windy rain bashing against the palm tree leaves, the whistling of the wind. The faint growling of thunder and the beautiful streak of light that flashes across the sky. 

It's all very poetic and blasé, but it's very strangely comforting - what I'm feeling right now could even beat the bliss of staying in a car and feeling the rain tumble down.

In an otherwise unrelated note, I think the remarkable thing about this year is that it is very much a gap year for me. I might not be out travelling, and I'm still a full-time uni student and whatnot; but it was a gap year from people it would appear.

I should quickly clarify, by no means do I mind or dislike people, but the flexibility of attendance and anonymity of uni means that the year has represented a nice reprieve from social interaction or a nice opportunity for selective social interaction (how awfully introverted of me to say, but it appears I'm embracing this introverted side of me to its fullest in recent days). 

And I think I really did need this. How could you put it, I'm recharging for the next years to come.

High school doesn't give you this autonomy - not even close. 5 days a week of school, 9 am to 3:30 pm, there is no room for you to have a quiet moment by yourself, to just figure out what you want. Which is pretty contradictory, considering you're expected to formulate an ATAR goal by late Year 11 that'll determine your career path - but that's a rant for another time.

Anyway, I think a small part of me wanted to justify (ironically on a social media platform), my absence of desire for social interaction this year. Yes, it is a tad antisocial, no I haven't stayed at home and mulled about life all year round; but compared to others it's been a bit lacking. I just needed some solo recharging, but I'm just about ready to hit the 100% mark.

Wow I somehow manage to sound like the Energiser bunny.

xx

Less Existentialism, More Cramming

'Less existentialism, more cramming' generally befits my current situation. Time is a strange concept that twirls around fluidly with no tangible sense, given I very sincerely believed today was Wednesday - to the point that my manager called me today in a conversation as follows:

A: Helen can you work tomorrow?

B: Wait, didn't I ask for tomorrow off like a month ago?

A: For tomorrow? No you didn't.

B: Really are you sure? (Cue panic because I have plans Thursday night)

A: For Tuesday?

B: Wait today isn't Wednesday?

A: Maaaaaate

Anyway, finals are fast approaching and I've listed out deadlines for sub-tasks that need to be completed in anticipation for the assessment horrors that I will confront in my last week of uni for the year (one exam on one day, followed by two essays on the next day sound appealing to anyone?); but I suppose this is what I get to compromise for the fact that I only have two exams in the exam block.

It is, however, very bizarre thinking that a year ago from now I would've just begun the HSC. In all honesty it feels forever, forever ago; I already feel like I'm in Year II, but hey comme j'ai déjà dit, time is a strangely perceived thing these days subject to far too much inaccuracy. I heard BoS did a nasty change up of format in Paper 1 (condolences to all those who misread the question!) but I'm sure Paper 2 will come and go easily and you can move onto regurgitating  the rest of your pre-prepared content in the rest of the coming weeks. 

To those Twelvies sitting their HSC this month, good luck lovelies, it'll come and go before you know it (and more assignments await for yourselves in uni as well! yay!).

Some mellow tunes (and a hint of nostalgia, check out the Delta track and the -albeit new- Veronicas song!) for the bipolar week to come.

xx

Procrastinatory Tendencies

To be honest, the last three weeks of First Year have just started up again today and I'm not feelin' it. That's a lie, I'm a self-proclaimed nerd and genuinely enjoy learning, school and all that jazz; but my levels of procrastination or my threshold for 'effective work' is alarmingly high. 

I'm not that person who irritatingly proclaims "I only started the essay the night before" in a blasé fashion just to attract some strange flock of attention towards my supposed intelligence. I'm just someone who seems to work better under time crunches, where I think quickly on the spot and make decisions of self-assessment. I can't say it's the most effective plan, but in all honesty (and I might be jinxing myself here), I haven't encountered a major failure that has prevented me from reverting to these procrastinatory tendencies. Which, to be frank, is probably exactly what I need.

There's an odd sense of condescending irony in my amusement of graduating Year 12s condemning starting Year 12s for their stress for the incoming year. It's more than likely the same level of apathy and indignation that I feel towards HSC students, and probably the same affection I'll feel next year when I see First Years frantically stressing and making a big fuss out of marks and the be all end all.

All in all, I've tried to make this concerted effort of not over-dramaticising certain events. Marks are marks, there is no point to be melodramatic. Perhaps the only time I've been excessively melodramatic recently has resulted from an experience of personal insult that I found completely uncalled for and unprofessional - but that's a story for a different time.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to get at, but perhaps all I want to say to everyone who has the slight tendency to take events and blow them out of control is that, shit happens, calm down, life goes on. Stop exerting so much energy judging what other people think and do, and get on with your own life. I sincerely believe that if you know yourself, know your flaws, your strengths, your tendencies etc., you really shouldn't even be caring about what other people think of you. 

It's sorta just a waste of time really, and you know what they say, life is too short for that type of think.

xx